I’ve created this blog as a way of coping with a lot of the stresses I currently have in my life. In the past, writing was my outlet when things got rough, but somewhere along the way I’ve unfortunately wandered away from it. Reading and writing have always been passions of mine. Reading has always helped me immerse myself into different worlds and escape myself. Writing has always been a way for me to get things off my chest, and it always has helped me feel a lot better. These two things have helped me through a lot of turbulent times when I was much younger. Lately, I’ve found that I’ve been so stressed I’ve even lacked the will to read, which is incredible since I’m typically always reading a book (or comic!). I’m hoping this blog does the trick. Thank you for joining me on this journey!
Also, I was really feeling late 90’s early 00’s music when I came up with the title of this blog. So if it made you think of the song “Absolutely (Story of a Girl)” by Nine Days you were on point!
I’m sitting on the floor, back against the wall. I take a deep breath in, then out. In, then out. I’m trying to stop hyperventilating. My eyes are focused on the tan carpet of my bedroom. They then dart towards the ceiling then to my phone I haphazardly threw on the floor. I’ve finally stopped crying and my breathing is a little more steady. Panic Attack. I’ve had a panic attack. I take another deep breath, then stand up. I go downstairs to the kitchen to get my weapon of choice. Once I grab it I go back upstairs. As soon as I enter the bedroom I look up at the ceiling again. Nothing has changed. I then look at my phone on the floor, pick it up, and put it in my pocket. I pull up the nozzle, slowly approach the enemy and start spraying. It starts running across the wall fast as hell. I keep spraying and it eventually falls to the floor, behind the dresser. I crawl onto the bed, freaking out that it’s still alive and as it’s crawling across the carpet it’s plotting to destroy me. After about 5 minutes of not seeing any movement I finally get the courage to get up and walk over to where I saw it fall. Thankfully, it was withered up on its back on the floor. I run to the bathroom, grab some toilet paper, then back to the bedroom to pick up the fallen foe. I carefully carry it into the bathroom to get a closer look and to snap a picture. I then destroy any and all evidence. After online research and a message from my husband confirming my findings, the intruder was identified as an Eastern Parson Spider.
Now, I know I’ve always had arachnophobia, but never has it caused this severe of a panic attack. There’s definitely more to it than that. The last year or so has been stressful for my family, and especially the last 2 months. But I think today is the day when things really started to unravel for me. I had a conversation with my mother this morning that scared the shit out of me. She told me a lot of information that apparently has been kept away from me all my life. Then a couple hours after that I get a call that my uncle is in the emergency room. Then the spider. I just couldn’t handle anymore. Spotting that repugnant intruder on the ceiling just destroyed me. It was my breaking point. It’s already difficult enough being away from my husband in a place where I know no one and I only have a 3 year old to converse with. Things are not how I imagined them to be.